Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Geometry of Mr. D.

I'm that Tired Guy, the one drinking water with no lemon.  I'm that Tired Guy, collaborating, vacillating, hallucinating, communicating, excavating, fabricating, emulating, reinstating, equivocating, aggravating, liberating, reinstating, deviating, mediating, wri...ting.

[Cue the "Brooks Was Here" track from the excellent film The Shawshank Redemption.  I'm in one of THOSE moods tonight.]

On February 10th, 2013 Peter U. DeCenzo passed away peacefully in his Hudson, MA home at the age of 87.  Born Pietro Umberto DiCenzo, he was a graduate of Marlborough High School, served in the U.S. Navy and obtained a Bachelors degree in Education from the College of the Holy Cross in 1951.  Although a successful salesman of both insurance and real estate, "he eventually pursued his true calling, mathematics, and went on to teach math at Ashland High School until his retirement." (Source: Worcester Telegram & Gazette from February 10 to February 12, 2013)

Some of you reading tonight's offering have no idea who this man was, his history, his legacy other than this snippet. 

Others might gaze at the above statement, consider it a moment or two and offer a silent prayer to the surviving members of his family.  Maybe you'll nod thoughtfully as images of polygons appear in your minds, the properties of shapes and relative positions of figures running quadrilaterally (which isn't a word) or fractally (also, not a real word). 

Or maybe your eyes narrow at a memory or two and the strong emotions the man's name engendered, so long lying dusty and dormant. 

Or perhaps a slight curve to the lips, a quiet chuckle and a few soft, sing-song, unintelligible words or sounds uttered to no one in particular.

My view of Mr. DeCenzo was three parts Archimedes, five parts Ralph Kramden and a bellyful of Pythagoras.  I'm sure some of you reading this have other comparisons, and I gladly welcome your memories - good, bad and congruent.

For now though I thought I'd share one particular memory I have of this man.  Oh it's a fuzzy memory, to be sure.  I possess such clarity at times, recalling so many vivid details of places and people long past.

But tonight?

We shall see.

I believe it was the 9th Grade.  I humbly apologize if this detail is wrong.  It feels right though.

For a young, skinny, pimply-faced, glasses-wearing, gangly, insecure, nobody nerd like myself who was an avid reader, writer, creator and fantasizer of light saber duels, dungeons, dragons and the occasional red-head the prospect of attending Math class was extremely daunting.  Add the hyperbolic knot of Geometry and a teacher I had never encountered before, well let's just say trepidation was just too tame a descriptor for the jarring sense of in-over-my-head-ness I experienced that fateful morning.

The desks were neatly aligned in four columns (or maybe five), at about five (or maybe four) desks deep.  Did we sit in alphabetical order by last name, or had we randomly chosen our seats?  I honestly don't remember.  However I do recall not sitting in the front, nor in the back, but somewhere in the middle, like some projective geometry.

(Perhaps my friend Wayne - or any mathematical genius for that matter, or someone a helluva lot smarter than me - just read this and will chastise me properly for my foolish attempts at mathematical tomfoolery.  Regardless, ever forward, never backward I plod!)

We stared in apprehensive silence across the way at the very large, intimidating, glowering, brooding, purse-lipped, thick-browed, bespectacled man with a shock of whitish hair wearing a faded red cardigan.  He perched upon an old swivel chair barely containing his massive girth, the struggling metal struts and plastic pieces nearly crushed and bent yet miraculously refusing to break.  Behind him the chalkboard was empty...or maybe it had his name scrawled upon it...or perhaps a shape or three. 

But it was the teacher who demanded our complete and utter attention.

When he finally spoke, his baritone was harsh, inflexible, slightly thick and heavy.  His eyes raked the seated students sending a clear message: this was MY classroom, and for the next sum of minutes our lives, our attention, our minds, EVERYTHING, belonged to him.

You're damn right I was scared.  I had endured plenty of yelling, intimidation, negativity and thoughtless stupidity in my own home on a daily basis.  My step father was quite adept at dishing out all of those things and more.  I didn't need it at school, and especially not from a teacher.

Math was my nemesis.  I was already behind the proverbial eight-ball.  So sitting in this classroom nearly shitting my pants because this behemoth wanted to take a piss on all of us was precisely what I didn't need. 

But then something interesting happened.

Mr. DeCenzo asked us all a singular question, one I still remember to this day (although the specific question may have faded with age), something I've chewed on for a long, long while.

"What is your most valuable possession?" he asked cryptically, surely antagonistically, and quite certainly pointedly.

Mr. DeCenzo posed that question to each one of us, and demanded an answer.  Up and down the rows the students responded, the answers typical to young teenagers - our families, loved ones, dogs, cats, comic book collections, health, education, money, Carl Yastrzemski rookie cards.

And to each response Mr. DeCenzo would grunt or sneer, daring the next student to come up with something more profound or equally inane.

Hell we were in ninth grade so would you expect anything less from us?

Which was precisely his game.

Once the round of answers ended, Mr. DeCenzo leaned forward, his chair creaking and groaning in abject protest.  Eyes glistening brightly a slow smile crawled across his ruddy face.

"You're all wrong," he gloated, knowing we would all fail.  He paused, studying all of us with a deep, penetrating stare.

And then he said gruffly, "Your most valuable possession is your time."

He let that sink home.

"It's mine too.  So don't waste any of it."

And then class began in earnest.

Love him or hate him, Mr. DeCenzo was a great teacher.  I ended up with a C in Geometry, and I wore it like a Pyrrhic badge.  As for the man himself, he mellowed out as time wore on (isn't it ironic Alannis?), or perhaps the intimidation was merely a tactic to get us to buy into his philosophy.  He eventually became "Mr. D." to me (and most others), and I remembered him fondly thereafter as the man who hummed and dithered rather than the mathematical tyrant I dreaded to see each morning.

Had it occurred to me how important his question was perhaps I would have pressed him for his take on the answer.  Then again, I was a teenager with a fledgling sense of self-awareness focused upon Atari, the latest Spider-Man comic, why no girls liked me beyond the "friend zone" and the now, and had little time (another irony?) for Jack Handy's thoughts.

As of today I'm 42 years old, married, laden with crazy children and still pondering the answer to that question, as well as why girls (sorry, women) don't like me (except my dogs).  Ok I kid about that...Mrs. Tired Guy does like me...some times more than others...

I've blogged in this space about time travel, cherishing the now, understanding who you are and why you are and what you are and how you are and because this is this and that is that, and tossing out a nugget of nonsense shrink-wrapped in a song lyric and maybe a funny quip about a movie or three.

Perhaps I've explored that question too much, or maybe I need to keep at it, worrying at Occam's Razor because the explanation with the fewest assumptions isn't exactly the right recipe for disaster.

Do I truly possess time, or does time possess me?  Churchill was right, of course.  It's Russia all over again...complete with the gift-wrapped riddle full of gooey chocolate conundrums.

Maybe I'll chew on that sandwich some more another day.

But for now I wish to extend my deepest condolences (albeit belated since I'm only typing this nearly three weeks after his passing) to the DeCenzo Family.  I am certain he will be missed.

And with that I thank you Mr. D., truly thank you, for helping an insecure, nice, shy, friendly and quirky Jewish kid from Ashland, Massachusetts acquire the radius of wisdom, the circumference of understanding, and an area of knowing I continually ponder to this very day.

After all, the universe IS curved.

G'night folks.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Tao of the M&M

I'm that Tired Guy, the one fast-forwarding the past so the future has something to keep it occupied.  I'm that Tired Guy proposing old ideas to new friends who are content to smile and nod and pretend they understand.

The Tired Guy's got himself a new gig.  Ok well it's actually a month old and since I haven't written anything in this space in awhile I suppose I owe my five loyal fans a sincere apology.

Sorry gang.

The ideas percolate, the mind is willing but the body is fat and lethargic and full of too many carbs to get the words right.  But exercising the brain would burn some of that malaise and tonight is THE night.

I think.

Chocolate.

The word generates images of all manner of oral fixations not the least of which involve cartoon characters masticated by real life models.

Mmmmm...mastication...it sounds so *dirty*.

You know I never
I  never seen you look so good
You never act the way you should
But I like it
And I know you like it too
The way that I want you
I gotta have you
Oh yes, I do

But I'm not here to talk about my predilections.

No sir.  That's a different kind of bias.

No tonight I'll touch briefly on real M&Ms.

Magic and memory.

Recently The New Boss (not to be confused with The Boss aka Mrs. Tired Guy) pointed out something incredibly simple yet decidedly, epically profound.

(Have I mentioned I love my new gig?)

We had a discussion regarding one of the pillars of epic science fantasy - Star Wars.

Now I won't go into my deep, abiding love / hate relationship with this particular universe.  Instead I'll provide some color to keep things straight.

One of my Favorite Movies of All Time (tm), a film that will always fall within The Pantheon of Awesomeness (tm), and shall remain a part of The Top Five (tm) is The Empire Strikes Back.  For various and sundry reasons I adore this film, from standing in a long line with my brother and father somewhere around Boston to catch it, the emotions it engendered as a rabid fan at age 10 (and still to this day at age 29...ok 39...ok post-40), the music, the dialogue, the story, the toys, the mythos, the ethos, the Athos, Porthos and Aramis, pretty much THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE BEFORE IT WAS RUINED BY THAT IDIOT LUCAS WITH HIS STUPID NEED TO SELF-FLAGELLATE THE WHOLE DAMN...breathe Tired Guy....breathe....BREATHE....

Ok, you get the idea.

Anyway I mentioned to The New Boss that I do not recognize Episodes I - III (::vomit::) as part of the Star Wars phenomena and possess a modicum of hope (help me Obi-wan!) the Corporation Formerly Known As The Company Not Engaged In Monopolizing Comic Book Characters or Pirates and Was Previously More Beloved For Its Children Only Content will somehow develop stand-alone films that can somehow surpass the wretched crap foisted upon us by The Previous Owner of A Once Beloved Franchise That Died In 1999, The Year Episode I Was Released.

The New Boss graced me with his customary infectious big grin and commented simply on the fact his kids loved Episodes I - III.

Biting back the bile bursting from my belly (GAWD I LOVE ALLITERATION!!!) I tried very hard not to launch into a two-hour tirade of how bad those films were.  Instead (and wisely because, after all, this is The New Boss and I kinda need to remain employed) I listened intently to what he said next.

"It's like The Lord of the Rings movies for me (Editor's Note: I despise those movies too but for different reasons).  I took my kids to see The Hobbit and we all LOVED it!  My daughter thinks it's the greatest movie ever made!"

I almost fainted.  Swallowing my resolve I listened quietly, arms clasped tightly, white-knuckled fingers digging bloody tracks into my flesh.

He must've noticed because with a twinkle in his eye he then said, "The point is you love the original Star Wars films and I happen to love The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  These movies are like M&Ms.  You love M&Ms because they're chocolate.  It doesn't matter what color the shell is...it's still chocolate.  So even if you don't like Episodes I - III it's still Star Wars man.  When the new film comes out, you'll go see it, you'll either love it or hate it.  But you'll go see it.  Because it's Star Wars."

I exhaled.

And then I laughed.

He was right.

In our office one of the assistants has a bowl constantly brimming with M&Ms.  Everyone wanders by at some point and grabs a few.  Oh sure it's fattening and chocolate and we pretend to watch our waistlines as if they'll shrink by force of will alone, but the truth is we love M&Ms.  They could produce any color, coat the shell with it, cover the chocolate inside and we'd eat them.

Consumerism at its best?

Commercialism at its finest?

Chocolate degeneration at its worst?

Who knows?

But if you like chocolate, then you've probably downed a a couple zillion of these suckers throughout your lifetime.

Is it an addiction?

Probably.

You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do

Star Wars is my M&M.  It encapsulates a world of magic and memory for me.  It reminds me of my youth, before computers, smart phones, 3-D televisions and video game consoles.  We used our imagination to play games.  We role-played Luke Skywalker or Han Solo in our back yards.  We built Hoth Ice Stations in the snow, collected as many Stormtroopers as we could to make it look like our Imperial forces could crush any Rebellion, and begged our parents for the Millennium Falcon at holiday time.  We bought the t-shirts, devoured any new novel or comic book, foamed at the mouth when any hint of a new film was rumored in Hollywood.

It was the 80s man.  The decade of decadence.  And as a kid with a huge imagination and a hunger for all things science fiction and high fantasy I devoured it all.

It was magic.

Somethin's at the edge of your mind
You don't know what it is
Somethin' you were hopin' to find
But you're not sure what it is
Then you hear the music
And it all comes crystal clear
The music does the talkin'
Says the things you want to hear

The New Boss reminded me about all that.

Sure I despise Episodes I - III, mostly because of my abject disappointment with the films themselves, the wooden caricatures also known as actors subjected to Lucas' poor direction and the overall sense the magic I felt as a boy was lost or misplaced.

But I still went to the theater.

The Magic Kingdom now has a chance to redeem things, or perhaps (more appropriately) re-invigorate a flagging franchise. 

Am I looking for a return of that old feeling of whimsical charm and excitement?

The little kid deep inside of me hopes so.

Sadly as an older and (hopefully) wiser man I'm a bit more realistic.

Or is that fatalistic?

Instead, what I'm really looking forward to is watching my kids create adventures of their own within the fantastical world of moving pictures, books, music and (dare I admit it) video games.  That's one of the perks of being a dad.  You get to watch your kids grow up and develop a taste of their own.

And if it turns out they share the same interests as me, well that's just the cherry on top.

Kinda like finding a golden M&M.

And I'm all right with that.

G'night folks.